19 Dec

God, I love my baby (both of them!) so much. MM was still napping, MC woke from his nap and was so sweet and happy. I sat down on the floor with him and we rolled a ball back and forth for a bit. At one point he got so excited – squealing, clapping, giggling and he crawled over to me and climbed into my lap. My heart sang. My eyes filled with tears as I held him close to me.

I flashed back to those awful nights filled with both of us crying. The moments where my patience was worn thin. He deserves better, this sweet boy of mine. He deserves a mama that is happy, whole and present in his life. I need to take better care of myself – nap when I can until he’s sleeping more instead of staying up late. Maybe give my therapist a call again. Get a babysitter more frequently so Daddy and I can work on ourselves.

For him.


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