Affordability

2 Dec

You know what I hate? I hate that I got my first postpardum period. You know why? Because now I need to decide: do we want a 3rd baby or not.

We got lucky with MC. I charted the three cycles I had after MM was born and bam! Urban legend city. Two under two. Buy one, get one. I’m not naive enough to believe that can/will happen again.

What if it takes two years like it did with MM? I’m 35. Can I afford to wait until MC is 2 to start trying again? Am I prepared to be a pregnant 38 year old? Advanced maternal age and all of the potential risks involved with it? Am I prepared to start trying NOW and possibly end up with 3 under 3? I can’t afford daycare for three little ones and I can’t afford the mental anguish of quitting my part time job and staying home full time.

Hell, I’m not entirely on board with having three kids but I’m pissed that I don’t have the luxury of taking my time to think about it. I feel pressure to decide NOW and either get on board with trying to conceive or to get rid of all the baby stuff and be at peace with the family we have. And that family is awesome. Truly. It’s hard to imagine fitting another person into the mix when I feel like we’re finally getting to the point where everyone’s needs are (almost) being met.

But I’m don’t know if I’m ready to be done. Never give birth again. Never nurse another newborn. MC will never be a big brother. I won’t reuse all of the adorable cloth diapers I invested in 😛

Being a grown up is hard.

I’m painfully aware of how fortunate I am to even be in the position to consider a third baby.

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