21 Oct

I think I might need to get back on my meds.  I have no idea what’s going on with me lately but I feel so much anxiety and tension.

My shoulders and neck are aching.  If I think about specifically relaxing those body parts there’s a notable difference.  I can feel my shoulders creeping back up to my ears as I type.  Unfortunately, I’m not such a great multitasker that I can think about relaxing those muscles while getting on with everything else I need to accomplish for the day.

I think part of it is work related.  2012 is weighing on me – the decision has to be made soon and I’m hesitant to make it because of the potential fallout if the *wrong* decision is made.

I just got out of meeting with my coworkers to discuss the planning meeting next week for 2011.  I know that’s ramped up  my anxiety level.  It’s such a challenge to NOT advocate for our partners (instead of my company) when I sat on their side for so long.  I thought having their perspective would be an asset in my position but in a way it makes things harder because I know how much of a strain some of the things we’re asking for can be.  Too much knowledge isn’t always a good thing.

My dear friend and her kiddo are moving to California next month and I’m devastated.  She has been such a wonderful support system to me and I will miss her dearly.  I know that’s weighing on me, especially because MM is so tight with her little guy.  My two off from work days are typically spent playing with her.  I have done a very poor job expanding my social network but mom friends with similar values are hard to find!  Shoulders tensing up again as I think about this.

MC still isn’t sleeping and something is clearly going on with him.  I didn’t realize how worried I am that he’s delayed until right now.  He’s only 10 months.  It’s perfectly reasonable that he isn’t standing or walking yet but several of the kids in his room at school are.  MM didn’t walk until 13-14 months.  Why am I wasting so much time thinking/worrying about this?  He’s incredibly social and happy and sweet.  He doesn’t say much yet but that’s okay too.  Am I borrowing trouble or is this maternial instinct?  Gah!

My house is a mess.  My dog is out of control.  I have so many things I want to get done and no time to do them.  We want to move to another ‘hood but have too much debt to do anything about it yet.  And we’re not on the same page with our finances.

So yeah.  Might be good to get back.


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